


I Love You Even Though I Shouldn't.

by lizibabes



Series: Angst Bingo [31]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: M/M, Swearing, sex.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-02
Updated: 2012-07-02
Packaged: 2017-11-09 01:23:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/449696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizibabes/pseuds/lizibabes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fill for the abandonment issue prompt for HC-bingo, loss of control for Kinkbingo, and guilt for Angst bingo. Tommy is used to being left, Adam feels guilty for not helping him, for wanting his friend, but he's fast losing his control.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Love You Even Though I Shouldn't.

**Author's Note:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> not overly dark.

When Tommy had first confessed to Adam that he was bisexual, Adam had been surprised and unsure about why Tommy had lied for months. And then Tommy had explained that the only man he had ever loved had left him and left Tommy with serious issues about abandonment. He wouldn't date men at all and he wouldn't let himself be serious about women. So Adam had promised to help him get past his issues, which had meant he'd had to put his crush on Tommy to one side. 

　

He wants to teach Tommy to trust again, but he's lying to him. He wants to help get Tommy past his fear of being left, but no matter how many times they talk about it, Tommy doesn't seem to change his mind. He is convinced that if he loves someone they will leave him, abandon him and Adam doesn't know how to help him and it's getting frustrating. So one night when Tommy says he wants to stay in the hotel while the others go to party, Adam decides he needs to do something to relax. The man he wants a relationship with doesn't have faith that any relationship can work. He likes to think he'll wait for Tommy for forever, but he still has needs and his own hand isn't going to cut it tonight. He only ends up thinking of Tommy when he does it and then he feels guilty for getting off to thoughts of the man he is meant to be helping get over his abandonment issues.

　

But tonight he's in a club, plenty of men giving him the eye and Tommy won't even ever have to know. The others won't go telling tales about his sex life. Adam goes to the bar and finds a pretty blonde who reminds him a little of Tommy.

　

"Want to dance?" Adam asks.

　

"I'd love to," The guy smiles. Adam doesn't ask his name or his age or anything else. He just takes the man to the dace floor, he doesn't need to know all about this guy. He doesn't want to date him, he just wants to get laid.

　

The man seems to be on the same page. After a few minutes of rubbing against each other on the dance floor, the man leads him to the club's bathroom and soon Adam is in a bathroom stall, the blonde man going to his knees and Adam feels guilty as the guy gets Adam's cock out. He doesn't want this man, he's just using him to get off, so he can keep control of himself around Tommy till Tommy gets over his abandonment issue.

　

He's in love with Tommy, but he can't have Tommy, but he can have this. He leans back, letting the man suck him and Adam closes his eyes, pretending that it's Tommy on his knees and that makes guilt surge through him as well as lust. He loses control a little, his hands in the man's hair, controlling the blowjob, but the man just moans, so at least he's not being a dick of a hook up. He doesn't want to be an asshole. 

　

"Adam, are you in here?" A voice calls out and Adam's eyes fly open, because that is Tommy's voice out there.

　

"Adam?" Tommy says again and the man on his knees pulls off, looking up at Adam looking confused.

　

Adam pulls back, zipping his straining cock up in his pants. It feels tighter than ever and he opens the door, trying to keep the other man with him from sight as he leaves the stall.

　

"Tommy, I thought you didn't want to come out tonight," Adam says as he walks out of the stall.

　

"I got bored, decided to meet you guys," Tommy shrugs. He's dressed casually, but he looks good, but then he always does.

　

"Let's go a drink then," Adam says and then the guy he was with walks out of the stall, hair disheveled and it's clear he was in the same stall as Adam. Tommy looks at the guy's messy hair and then down at the bulge in Adam's pants and Adam can see realization dawn on his face as he works it out and Adam feels almost crippled with guilt. He's not with Tommy, they are not a couple, but Adam wants them to be. He's been trying to get Tommy comfortable about the idea of being with a man, that he can trust men to not abandon him and Adam does not think this is going to help him.

　

"You didn't say you had a boyfriend, asshole," The blonde glares at him and then walks past them both. Adam doesn't know what the hell to say and Tommy doesn't say anything to the other man or Adam.

　

"I, it didn't mean anything," Adam finally says.

　

"Not anything to do with me if it did," Tommy says coldly.

　

"Then why do I feel guilty?" Adam asks quietly, his hands in his pockets.

　

"I don't know. I didn't even think you hooked up," Tommy shrugs.

　

"I don't normally, I just lost control. I've not been with anyone in a long time," Adam explains.

　

"It's none of my business, we're friends, you don't have to tell me everything," Tommy sighs.

　

"I want you to be able to trust me. I really care about it. I don't want you to think that I'm that guy. I don't know what I was thinking," Adam groans.

　

"Fuck, I don't even know why I'm pissed off," Tommy says through gritted teeth.

　

"I get it. I said I didn't hook up and you find me hooking up, it must look like I lied," Adam can't see why else Tommy would be mad. 

　

Tommy just glares at him and before he knows it, Tommy is up in his space and he's kissing him, hard and fast and Adam wraps his arms around Tommy, pulling him closer. He feels guilty for the other man and he doesn't know why Tommy has kissed him, but he's not going to argue. He's never been kissed like this by Tommy, certainly not off stage.

　

He ends up backed up against the sink, Tommy all over him and then as quickly as it started Tommy pulls back, back under control as quickly as he had lost it.

　

"I want you, I have for a long time and it kills me to see you with other people. I thought you'd ask me out and then you didn't, so I figured you didn't like me like that and it's just all so fucked up," Tommy groans.

　

"I wanted you to learn that people don't abandon you all the time first. I thought if I could show you I would stick around as a friend, then maybe you'd give dating me a shot," Adam admits.

　

"For two people who talk a lot, I think we don't always talk about the things we should," Tommy says softly.

　

"You're right, we should really talk about how we feel," Adam says, reaching out to stroke Tommy's face.

　

"Lets go to the hotel, I don't want to talk about anything here," Tommy suggests and Adam nods. They leave the club bathroom, say goodbye to their friends and then leave the club. Outside waiting for the taxi, Tommy's control seems to snap again and he's in Adam's arms again and Adam has no complaints, kissing back with just as much passion. He will show Tommy that he can be with a man and not be abandoned, because Adam has no plans of leaving him. 

　

They make it back to the hotel somehow and back to Adam's hotel room. The moment they are behind closed doors, Adam starts stripping them both. They have both lost all control and it feels amazing. Touching Tommy is so much better than feeling guilty while some stranger goes down on him. They should talk, but neither of them have the patience for that and soon Adam is in bed with Tommy, Tommy straddling him. Adam cups his hips and they start rubbing against each other, neither of them have enough control to do much else. They just grind together and kiss and Adam moans, he feels totally lost to the pleasure. 

　

"Tommy, God, Tommy," Adam moans. He's wanted this for so long and it's going to be over way too quickly, but there is nothing he can do but get a hand around both of their cocks, jerking them both off the way he likes and Tommy's hips buck into his hand and Adam holds him tighter, closer, wanting to feel every shake and shudder in Tommy's body.

　

Adam comes first, but Tommy's coming seconds after him, till they are both slick and messy and Adam wants to lick them both clean, but instead he holds Tommy close, pressing light kisses to his soft mouth. He can't stop kissing Tommy, so he keeps doing it until they both need to catch their breath and then finally Adam gets up to clean them off. He doesn't feel guilty about being with Tommy. He will show Tommy that not all men walk away. They both lost control today, but it turned out not to be a bad thing. Adam will stay with Tommy, he will never abandon Tommy, because Tommy has had his heart from day one.

　

The End.


End file.
